what you don't see

what you don't see
is that is it snowing right now
that we quickly cover over
the woodpile behind me
in the dark early morning
naked under my snow suit
what you don't see
is the that the story goes on
after the picture's taken
what you don't see
is that the story is right there
taking the shot
what you don't see
is who's sitting beside me

Recently i made it to the front cover of a local magazine. Monthly i attend a writers group. This one night it just happened to be, that i went out in public with my new lover for the first time. And i like to say; my gosh, the paparazzi was right there, no privacy. Of course i am not famous in this way :)


myheartrightsideupand i, where meeting in secret up till that day. This day we did decide, to just do what i normally do, but with him. I long for that, to just be able to live this life of loving openly, called polyamory. I still am only here most open about it, my husband slowly being introduced to me. It is really me and my husband and lover(s) that i think have to know. And here i just want to express it and learn more.
I am still totally enamored by the secretness of it. Loving it that his arm (his godly arm, i love him so) is in the photo, on this magazine. 'Cover girl almost exposed'. We did not know that there would be a photographer there, that day. The leader of the group did ask if anyone had objections.
What do you say, when it just happened to be your first day, and nobody knows.

what you do see
is that i radiate
and i wish you could see
that i love working with my husband
our warm bodies
just out of bed
in the snow
getting ready for winter
you don't see
how happy it makes me
to work with him
something we never did well
and somehow
now
we are able to

for my sister

Hi sis, i know when i was your age :) i didn't think certain things aesthetically enough to print. You know who taught me to appreciate pictures just like this.

Me here now, some go through it much younger than i do, and i hope some much older too. And maybe some never do, they don't have too.

I love this liberation, and i know i am not quite there, when i'm in the forest and i feel this wave of love welling up from somewhere deep inside, flowing through my heart. I wonder is that what an orgasm is like? You tell me.
Last night i reach an extreme state of pleasure, but ..... somewhere my husband's nail pinched some sensitive skin, and it all disappeared. And even if the love making was very pleasant after, again i did not reach an orgasm.

My husband he is perfect! Just because i am not:) We had a few days of real struggle, where as you maybe understood from previous post, i want a freer life, and he did not. Today is the day we set a side to talk it all out.
mmmmmm it was quite sweet, he looks forward to be be a month without me, and what i do, he lets me free.
He knows what i intend to do with that freedom, and that's enough, no details please.
Yahoooyippeeyah

These trees, growing along side individually, connected by the hip.
That's love for me.

for M

I love the water in this picture. My husband took these pictures.
I am very close to the weather, meaning to post pictures here, while looking outside seeing snow, is kind of contradictory for me.
Snow is water vapor, turned into crystals.
Snow is not Ice, no ice yet
This for me is significant. I love my husband. Why are we more like snow? Ice crystals, one separate from the other. Why do we try and it never seems to really work?
Why with my new lover (myheartrightsideup) everything is more then good:), we never had an argument, i never never feel this separateness. With him however we engage; it is always totally good. There is no wall, we are one, and yet, sparkle individually.
i fall
i fall back
into the water
laughing

What is your experience? Did you catch that moment, where the wall was being build? Did you melt that first crystal when it formed? Can i still take down that wall in between me in my husband?
Can i have my cake and eat too, meaning can he and i fully love each other while i have this same full love relationship with myheartrightsideup.

My husband is actually quite open to it all, which is totally beautiful, some fluidity is there. More about that next time, polyamory and stuff.

... in the woods

hi there everyone, how are you?.... i indeed have storms in my head. you (myheartupsidedown i named you) say; i have to learn to deal with them, quiet them, stillness between my ears. Maybe this is one way; to write about it here.
Today i will let the storm roar, spilling some of it out. All in a ramble as it blows. Then after the wind dies down, i will take the things one by one, pick them and look at them. And most of all i want to learn, hear your comments, see what you think, hear what you feel, to feel what you know.
Actually i am quite calm, these days. Today like yesterday just very tired, and sweetly sad, not deeply.
First; Annie doesn't want to be part of this blog anymore, whatever her reasons (that's up to her to let you know or not:) I love her big time, it is all good, it's not that.
And First of all (coming second here) i want to know about orgasms. I want to hear sooooo many stories. And i wonder if it will happen here on-line (not an orgasm, the talking about it:)
I found in talking to girlfriends, it's amazing how we love to talk about it. As in before i started this blog, how whenever i proposed to get undressed and take photos in the woods of our bodies, it was all laughter and joy. I don't know, i must be blessed with amazing girlfriends. Or are all of us women like that.
Haha, i say women, but somehow men seem to like all this too. So there's my other subject. As you know i am a married woman, in the way where you promise to be faithful.
So how did this all start? Yes, i went on a quest to love my self more. I was very devoted to my husband, but he didn't express his love for me in a way i needed at that time. Something like that. Next thing i know, i start falling in love with a man, who does express himself to me in a way i like. Long story short. Here i am, 2 years later, my husband getting used to the new me(old really, i'm just discovering more of me). And i, Katrin (i am ready for a new name),having an affair with myheartrightsideup. I don't want it to be an affair, i want to have my cake and eat it too.
I want to share more about all this, they are such deliciously humorous sweet loving stories. I want to share, because i want to know if you recognize any of it, in your own way, or if i am just plain weird? Which is totally okay to me too. I do think that sexually i am lugging behind greatly.
Enlighten me!!!
Thanks
10.000 kisses to all of you, dry and soft, wet and warm, rough and deep, etc, all over, wherever, however you like :)


oops, this should have been a photo of a kiss

testing the water

too much, i said last time i was here
too much indeed
on this page here, i should be able to say anything
i want to say so much
so many secrets
that really i don't mind if any one knows
that really i like to share
so i will learn
and maybe so will you
what my life is about
my deepest joys my deepest fears
maybe not so different
where you say aha
where i will say
aha i'm not the only one
or where you say
i'm way beyond
i'm not there yet
or compassion for all our differences

do you want to hear
what i really want to share?
so really really i will dive in with more confidence
in new waters
waters i have never swam
water that could sweep me off
to strange and scary lands

is there a shore
where i will land?
maybe when i tell
you will tell me that
'katrin you're safe
there is a shore
i just don't know if it's white sand, warm mud, bright green rushes
but for sure there is a shore
and it is good'

will i speak? and will you listen?

too much

I am falling
how come my heart splits open

my chest cannot hold it in

so much love

how come when i gave in

to love a little

here and there

you and him

and of course him too, still

how come i still feel like i am falling up

where is down

this ride to heaven

God, let me land softly

please please

let it be in your arms