my dream

if you know me, from keepers you know i was living my dream for a while, for a few years really. And really before that i was living my dream too, and before that too, and before that i became aware of who i was and in the situation i was in, and i would live my dream. Like when i was building my sandcastles in a sandbox among flowering bushes, a divider between the orchard and the flower garden.
Still now as then, i find myself awake in a situation, really not knowing how i got here.
Now i find myself sitting here peacefully trying to get to the point to write a new dream, while waiting for one of my lovers to call me.
One of my lovers, yes, i think i have several to ward of feelings of rejection, or maybe to keep me in vain that i have options, that actually i have a choice. Maybe i need that all to write a new dream.
Today i felt restless, tomorrow i will go and see a new therapist, Monday i work in town.
It's easy to just carry on.
But i feel very stuck, i want change, i want to jump of the cliff, but unlike in my dream a few nights ago, i don't know if i can handle being in free fall for a few seconds, which might last for weeks. Or maybe i am already in free fall, i have set things in motion that cannot be reversed.

So i ask my self what is it what i want, What do i really want? A question i asked in 1974, and i was very blessed to live that life i truly wanted for a few years, and i felt very blessed and it gave me what i wanted. It is not that i was disappointed by it, or want out. It was glorious and will always live it in a way.

hmmmm so much to say, but instead of trying to explain it to you let me get to the point.
- why doesn't he phone? -
hmmmmm my dream....... to live in a loving relationship...
to live with someone in harmony, to be truly happy with eachother, to do the things you love, and come home to love.
ahhhh i realize it's a tall order, because i do not want to give up everything i have; my health, the freedom to do the things i love, to be always warm and well fed, to have loving friends and family.
See! now i think i am so spoiled
Please let me know i am not
Please let me know if you live with the love of your life and it is good....

next time for the sake of creation, i will go into the details

now the dream

this morning i did not get to write my dream, my dream last night that is, tomorrow i will write my dream for my future, my future.... you'll see i am driving in my car on a two lane road, i go forward,

there is a car right in front of me facing my way,

it's driving backwards the same speed as i,

it unnerves me, i swerve to the left and hit a car in the opposite lane.

because nothing happens when i hit it,

it makes me realizing i am dreaming (lucid)

the road becomes sandy

the landscape more beautiful

the car in front of me is gone

there is rocks to the right and a cliff to the left

all in pastel lovely blues and reds

and yellowish sand

the road becomes smaller and smaller

now it is just a clay edge on the side of the rock

i am walking now

knowing the sandy clay edge will not hold me

knowing that i am dreaming

i turn to the left and fly

as there is still a little bit of question in my mind if i am dreaming or not

i first free fall

but i find my wings in time

the way i fly is with my arms outstretched

and my feet together as the tail of a fish to steer

it's beautiful!

the land beneath me beautiful

being lucid, i realize that there are no electrical wires

in past flying dreams i always have to deal with power lines

not today

all the joy of excitement

hmmmm it wakes me up

dream

all is calm, peaceful

now and in my head

bravery in the yukon

you think i am brave, go to meandering michael's site
now he is brave!!!
i'll send the link later... busy ...

here it is, check it out!Current Coldest

temptations

won't you be tempted

when you drive up to his house first time

and it's just that house that is just so

when you walk into the mudroom

and you see through a glass door

that it's a cherry wood dancing floor

and the wind is blowing form the mountains

and ocean is close by

won't you be tempted

when even curtains are the ones you've always liked

when he takes you to the bedroom

and the view from the picture window

is most incredibly

and the rain is only sweeping mist

and the waves are high

all weekend long he tells you things

but it really it is he that makes you what he says you are

his touch and kisses,

the things he does

the food he feeds you

won't you be tempted

to just step into this dream

where he is your king

and you're his queen