Saturday, February 19, 2011

my dream

if you know me, from keepers you know i was living my dream for a while, for a few years really. And really before that i was living my dream too, and before that too, and before that i became aware of who i was and in the situation i was in, and i would live my dream. Like when i was building my sandcastles in a sandbox among flowering bushes, a divider between the orchard and the flower garden.
Still now as then, i find myself awake in a situation, really not knowing how i got here.
Now i find myself sitting here peacefully trying to get to the point to write a new dream, while waiting for one of my lovers to call me.
One of my lovers, yes, i think i have several to ward of feelings of rejection, or maybe to keep me in vain that i have options, that actually i have a choice. Maybe i need that all to write a new dream.
Today i felt restless, tomorrow i will go and see a new therapist, Monday i work in town.
It's easy to just carry on.
But i feel very stuck, i want change, i want to jump of the cliff, but unlike in my dream a few nights ago, i don't know if i can handle being in free fall for a few seconds, which might last for weeks. Or maybe i am already in free fall, i have set things in motion that cannot be reversed.

So i ask my self what is it what i want, What do i really want? A question i asked in 1974, and i was very blessed to live that life i truly wanted for a few years, and i felt very blessed and it gave me what i wanted. It is not that i was disappointed by it, or want out. It was glorious and will always live it in a way.

hmmmm so much to say, but instead of trying to explain it to you let me get to the point.
- why doesn't he phone? -
hmmmmm my dream....... to live in a loving relationship...
to live with someone in harmony, to be truly happy with eachother, to do the things you love, and come home to love.
ahhhh i realize it's a tall order, because i do not want to give up everything i have; my health, the freedom to do the things i love, to be always warm and well fed, to have loving friends and family.
See! now i think i am so spoiled
Please let me know i am not
Please let me know if you live with the love of your life and it is good....

next time for the sake of creation, i will go into the details

Thursday, February 17, 2011

now the dream

this morning i did not get to write my dream, my dream last night that is, tomorrow i will write my dream for my future, my future.... you'll see i am driving in my car on a two lane road, i go forward,
there is a car right in front of me facing my way,
it's driving backwards the same speed as i,
it unnerves me, i swerve to the left and hit a car in the opposite lane.
because nothing happens when i hit it,
it makes me realizing i am dreaming (lucid)
the road becomes sandy
the landscape more beautiful
the car in front of me is gone
there is rocks to the right and a cliff to the left
all in pastel lovely blues and reds
and yellowish sand
the road becomes smaller and smaller
now it is just a clay edge on the side of the rock
i am walking now
knowing the sandy clay edge will not hold me
knowing that i am dreaming
i turn to the left and fly
as there is still a little bit of question in my mind if i am dreaming or not
i first free fall
but i find my wings in time
the way i fly is with my arms outstretched
and my feet together as the tail of a fish to steer
it's beautiful!
the land beneath me beautiful
being lucid, i realize that there are no electrical wires
in past flying dreams i always have to deal with power lines
not today
all the joy of excitement
hmmmm it wakes me up


all is calm, peaceful
now and in my head

Saturday, February 12, 2011

bravery in the yukon

you think i am brave, go to meandering michael's site
now he is brave!!!
i'll send the link later... busy ...

here it is, check it out!Current Coldest

Sunday, February 6, 2011


won't you be tempted
when you drive up to his house first time
and it's just that house that is just so
when you walk into the mudroom
and you see through a glass door
that it's a cherry wood dancing floor
and the wind is blowing form the mountains
and ocean is close by
won't you be tempted
when even curtains are the ones you've always liked
when he takes you to the bedroom
and the view from the picture window
is most incredibly
and the rain is only sweeping mist
and the waves are high
all weekend long he tells you things
but it really it is he that makes you what he says you are
his touch and kisses,
the things he does
the food he feeds you
won't you be tempted
to just step into this dream
where he is your king
and you're his queen