if you know me, from keepers you know i was living my dream for a while, for a few years really. And really before that i was living my dream too, and before that too, and before that i became aware of who i was and in the situation i was in, and i would live my dream. Like when i was building my sandcastles in a sandbox among flowering bushes, a divider between the orchard and the flower garden. Still now as then, i find myself awake in a situation, really not knowing how i got here. Now i find myself sitting here peacefully trying to get to the point to write a new dream, while waiting for one of my lovers to call me. One of my lovers, yes, i think i have several to ward of feelings of rejection, or maybe to keep me in vain that i have options, that actually i have a choice. Maybe i need that all to write a new dream. Today i felt restless, tomorrow i will go and see a new therapist, Monday i work in town. It's easy to just carry on. But i feel very stuck, i want change, i want to jump of the cliff, but unlike in my dream a few nights ago, i don't know if i can handle being in free fall for a few seconds, which might last for weeks. Or maybe i am already in free fall, i have set things in motion that cannot be reversed.
So i ask my self what is it what i want, What do i really want? A question i asked in 1974, and i was very blessed to live that life i truly wanted for a few years, and i felt very blessed and it gave me what i wanted. It is not that i was disappointed by it, or want out. It was glorious and will always live it in a way.
hmmmm so much to say, but instead of trying to explain it to you let me get to the point. - why doesn't he phone? - hmmmmm my dream....... to live in a loving relationship... to live with someone in harmony, to be truly happy with eachother, to do the things you love, and come home to love. ahhhh i realize it's a tall order, because i do not want to give up everything i have; my health, the freedom to do the things i love, to be always warm and well fed, to have loving friends and family. See! now i think i am so spoiled Please let me know i am not Please let me know if you live with the love of your life and it is good....
next time for the sake of creation, i will go into the details
this morning i did not get to write my dream, my dream last night that is, tomorrow i will write my dream for my future, my future.... you'll seei am driving in my car on a two lane road, i go forward,
there is a car right in front of me facing my way,
it's driving backwards the same speed as i,
it unnerves me, i swerve to the left and hit a car in the opposite lane.
because nothing happens when i hit it,
it makes me realizing i am dreaming (lucid)
the road becomes sandy
the landscape more beautiful
the car in front of me is gone
there is rocks to the right and a cliff to the left
all in pastel lovely blues and reds
and yellowish sand
the road becomes smaller and smaller
now it is just a clay edge on the side of the rock
i am walking now
knowing the sandy clay edge will not hold me
knowing that i am dreaming
i turn to the left and fly
as there is still a little bit of question in my mind if i am dreaming or not
i first free fall
but i find my wings in time
the way i fly is with my arms outstretched
and my feet together as the tail of a fish to steer
the land beneath me beautiful
being lucid, i realize that there are no electrical wires
in past flying dreams i always have to deal with power lines