Thursday, October 14, 2010

for yourself

I told you a while ago, about my orgasms, or lack of.
Now i was advised by a sex therapist, to read a certain book and do the exercises, and when encountering problems with doing the program outlined in the book i could phone her back.
Finally i got the book: For Yourself the fulfillment of female sexuality by Lonnie Barbach.
I am going to try this program starting today. She suggests first; ' to explore your attitudes and development as a sexual being.
1) How did your parents feel about sex? Your mother? your father? How were their feelings communicated to you?
First i thought well that's going to be a short answer, but of course not really.
I don't know how they felt.
hmmmm this is going to be quite personal here on-line, Lonnie suggest i talk with a girlfriend that i feel very close to.
What comes up for me now, which is an essential fear of mine that i recognize that i am always afraid of hurting people. What i might say might hurt my mom
The second issue is that i really don't want to do this, i've gone here before, i know it all.
But do i?
So for the exercises sake here we go:
My parents tried in earnest(i know that for a fact), to educate us about sex, but it didn't work out, most we got was a big silence. The one answer i did get, is that sex is for when you are married and it is very very special.
I never saw my mother's breasts till i was an adult. I never saw my parents loving towards eachother till i was an adult. So these are just somethings.
My mother did not enjoy sex. My father, i wouldn't have a clue. He was a charmer in the outside world, but a grump in his family. He laughed at me when i showed interest in my breasts and he forbid me to walk around half naked. Which never really worked out, There is nothing new in me showing my body, i am and i was a rebel since age 16.
Growing up i maybe communicated about sex with my mom a little,(maybe i could a fill one page) but never, never did i communicate with my dad on this subject. Yes i did, when he was laying in his casket, i would tell him things. And it is not a joke, it was actually very beautiful. i finally felt close to him again it had been 45 years.

Good enough for now! I am doing my Kegel's :)


  1. As far as being afraid of hurting anyone, don't be afraid when it comes to orgasm.

    Nothing makes a person feel better, whether you're the one having the orgasm or the other person is because of you.

    It feels great for both (or all?) parties involved - especially simultaneously!

    Just get relaxed, take your time, listen to your body and do what feels best, and just let happen. (You can't force it!) There's no hurry because they don't expire nor will you ever run out of them. Good luck!

  2. Have fun with it my dear
    lots of fun!!!

    moonies hugs

  3. Thanks!
    Eric your answer excites me in more than one way. All these orgasms i could have had, won't expire; i will enjoy them! simultaniously!
    Moondustwriter, I am having fun indeed:)

  4. J. For me it has been an issue of trust. It has been my whole of sexuality, my desire, my lust, my ability to reach oragasm, all of it, has been living in a shroud of trust. When I haven't trusted entirely, the skin thickens and my sexuality has been buried deeper. And this is the strange thing. I HAD NO IDEA. I thought I was sexually healthy.

    The trust went further than the obvious, as well. In trust I had to be able to become the person I have been inside. I have just, as of late, been allowed to become who I have been burgeoning in becoming. And again, I HAD NO IDEA. But in being allowed to be me in my life, in my day to day, in art, in exploration of self and life, my sexuality has awakened. In this period of awake I am very lucky sexually.

    I feel for you, someone so sexual and yet - It must, at times, be a difficult thing, and so I fear that perhaps this tension in and of itself breeds and becomes its own wall. Eric is right in that there should be no fear associated with orgasm. For me it was the environment of trust that allowed that.


  5. Thanks Erin, I HAd NO IDEA i like it that you say it that way, i soon will be saying, now i am still at; i have no idea, very much, but i am getting there. Trust you say, i think i do, but who knows.
    love, katrin